Who Are You?
by M.J.Patton
Summary: My name is Faith Lehane, and I have no idea who I am. 3 events of my life will be explored to find out who I am. Title is the same as the BtVS episode but has nothing to do with the story.
1. Who Are You Part 1: Choices

Who are you?

Who are you? A question I've been asking myself since I was younger. Who are you? And the honest answer, I have no idea. I know my name is Faith Lehane, I know that I was a slayer, and I know that I've done a lot of wrong in my life. But truth be told, I have no idea who I am. So, I'm going to tell you a few stories of my life, and hopefully by the end, you and me both will know exactly who I am. That is, if you care.

Okay, so you've decieded that you do want to help me help you find myself. That makes sense right? Sure it does. Anyway, this first story, which I'll call Choices I guess, sounds pretty cool, takes place when I first came to Sunnydale, or around that time anyway.

So here we go. It's a normal day at Sunnydale high; Buffy, Willow and Xander are walking down the hallways and I enter. "Hey B, what's happening?" I ask, I don't have much going on, so I might as well see what these losers are doing. "Oh, hey Faith. We were just talking about our plans for tonight: patrolling and then The Bronze maybe?" Oh doesn't she sound so sincere? All nice and simple. "Cool, what time does the fun start?" I ask. Buffy always pulls this weird face when I refer to slaying as fun, it's like she thinks I'm cray or whatever, like I care what she thinks of me. "Be at my place for around seven? And we'll take it from there?" Again sounding so pure and kind, I don't know why that annoys me so much. "Sure. What about you two, wanna tag along?" I nod towards Willow and Xander, then stare Xander straight in the eyes. I know he hates it when I do that because he always diverts his eyes. I know what he thinks of me, I'm definitely a reoccuring character in his sick little fantasies. And I know how wrong that sounds, but it's nice to know people think you are actually pretty, you know? Maybe you do, or maybe you're just as stuck up as me not to admit it. "Nah, I've got studying to do. I'll probably see you at The Bronze though" says Willow. I shift my eyes to her as soon as she speaks, and she looks back into mine, with a look of hate sort of, but also a look of lust. Maybe she saw me looking at Xander. Oh my god, Willow loves Xander! Or just likes me, which doesn't sound very likely. "Yeah, I think we'll leave the violence to the bad girls of the group" says Xander, finally snapping out of his little trance, which probably involved me being naked. "Oh come on Xander" I say, looking back at him. "Come with us, bring some of your masculinity too" giving him a cheeky wink. This is cruel I know, but it's harmless fun, right? "Well I would, but you see it's kinda gone on a vacation. It sent me a postcard saying it's probably never gonna come back." Oh Xander, he's unfunny, which is why he is funny. That doesn't make sense when I say it, but if you meet the kid, you'll understand what I mean. "That sucks, give it my best wishes" I chuckle, it's dorky charm I guess, something people don't really have these days. "I will" he says, holding back what look like tears. Was my joke THAT funny? I didn't think so. "Hey Will, mind helping me find a book in the library? I need to read up on this weird thing for english class" he says as he turns to Willow. "Sure. Buffy I'll catch up with you later. Bye Faith" and the two leave, thank god. There is only so much sexual tension one girl can take. "What was that? Buffy snaps at me

"What was what?" I say, trying to pull of an innocent smile. I fail.

"You were totally give Xander the eye"

"What? Are you kidding me? He's way too weird for my liking."

"Why did you give him the eye then?"

"Why do you care? He's not your boyfriend, or is he?" Damn, I'm sassy when it comes to an arguement. "No, I just don't want you to get his hopes up for something that isn't even real." She counters. Talk about defensive. "Jeez B calm down, I was just kidding around with the guy, he knows that."

"What if he doesn't? What if he thinks you're really into him and you're just feeding him lies? Do you not feel bad about that? Huh?" Okay, now I'm pissed

"Buffy, I was just playing. Xander's a big boy, if he thinks I'm serious, I'll tell him otherwise, okay?" Surely that should have straightened things out.

"You have no consideration for other people's feeling do you?" Guess not. "Do you really think shooting him down is going to make things better?" She loves to ask questions doesn't she? "No. I'm not going to shoot him down. And what if I do like him for reals? Did you think about that? I guess not. Becuase everything is about Buffy. Buffy, Buffy, Buffy! That's all we ever hear. Do you know how many people you've hurt? Probably not. You're too busy making everyone else feel sorry for you. "I'm a slayer, I hate it, let me quit, I love a vampire" blah blah blah. It's the same stupid song every time. Grow up, face your responsibilities and stop whining for crying out loud!" Well, not the best thing I could have said to sort the situation out, how do I know this? Because after my big speech, Buffy thought it was appropriate to give me a little gift to the face. A gift that gave me a nice big black eye. Bitch punched me. "That's right, fight away your demons with your fists! That'll sort everything out!" By this time, a few people had turned to stare at us, and guess who was among them. Xander. He had heard what I'd said, damn. Sure, the kid was cute, but I wasn't sure how I felt about him yet, I didn't really know what I felt at all to be honest. I always thought slayers didn't feel at all. It was probably just a stupid crush, but I didn't want him to know, obviously. And guess who else shows up? Buffy's favourite person in the world, Giles. "Get out of here now Faith, come back when you've grown up" is all he says to me, as he puts and arm around a crying Buffy. They leave, and everyone else just turns back to their daily routine. So I leave, and when I know I'm completely out of sight, I breakdown into tears. Not my finest hour of course. So that night, I get Xander to come to my room at the motel, and guess what? We do it. Half of me wanted it to spite Buffy, but the other half just wanted Xander. After we've finished, I feel empty. I throw him out in nothing but his underwear, again, I'm not exactly a saint. And once again, I start to cry. I used him. I used him and didn't even think twice about it. And now I don't feel anything for him. It could have been love -or lust, if there is a difference - but now, it's nothing. I'm so disgusted in myself that I actually don't feel empty. I could have made love to him, but I just did him and tossed him out. And now I'm paying the price. I think I could have loved him. That would have been nice.


	2. Who Are You Part 2: Broken

Who Are You?

So I guess you've kinda guessed what kind of person I am after reading the first little story. I'll be frank (I'm Faith actually), I'm basically a bad girl. Can you blame me though? Left alone and had to fend for myself and all? I mean, I know I can't blame the past for the way I am, but things never seem to go well for me. One of the reasons I have a dislike to Buffy; everything just falls into place for her, and it's not fair. But anyway, before I go into the biggest rant you've ever heard, let me introduce the second of our trilogy of tales. I'm naming this one Broken, because it really sums this thing up

Okay, so at this point I've sided with The Mayor of Sunnydale. Which means I've betrayed Buffy and the Scoobies, whatever. So anyway, I was at the apartment he gave me, well, spread across the couch with popcorn watching some 90s movie about some killer throwing some girl off a balcony, and Mayor Wilkins comes in and says "Faith, I need you." I have no idea what's going on, because he has never greeted me with that, and it worries me. "What's up, doc?" I say, hoping to get at least a little smirk out of him. It doesn't come. He just stands there, with the same stern face as usual. After a couple of seconds of awkward staring, he comes behind me and says "Fatih darlling, what's happening with you?"

"What? Nothing's happening with me, why?"

"You seem, what's the word I'm looking for, broken." At this point I know something's really wrong. But maybe not with him. "You know, if there's anything going on, you can tell me" he says, his expression easing up a bit. But that's when mine changes. "Nothing's going on. I'm fine. And don't try to become all father figure-y, because that's not what our relationship is" I spit at him, each word becoming more bitter as they leave my mouth. "I don't need you to help me. I don't need help. I'm perfectly fine."

"But you're not, Faith. I can see it in you, something's not right" he starts out with, sounding genuinly concerned, but then "and watch your tone with me missy, I gave you all of this remember? I can take it away just as easily. Don't make me do that Faith, I sure as hell don't want to. But that doesn't mean I won't. So show me at least a spec of respect, okay" his words now sounding even more bitter and harmful as mine. He knew what he was doing, but I didn't. "So you really are trying to become my father huh? Well guess what buster, I killed him. And I know I will have no problem killing you. I'm the slayer for crying out loud!" He then seems taken a back, he's believed my lie. Oh yeah, I didn't kill my father, but I did watch him die. It was horrible. I was 8 years old, it was christmas eve, and my dad, my hero even, had just got home from work. He opened the door with a huge smile on his face, a smile that was only reserved for me. I launched myself at him, and he caught me in his arms, squeezing me into a big hug. "I missed you daddy" I said to him in a childish voice, I used it because he thought it was adorable. "Faithy, you say this to me every day, but I still missed you more!" He says, as he picks my up and throws me on the couch. We're both laughing our asses off, and that's when the bald guy apears from behind him. "Daddy!" I scream, but it's too late. The bald man put a gun to my fathers head, and fired without thinking twice. There he was, still smiling, still leaning over me, when the blood starts to drip. He's gone. I can see it in his eyes. He's not my father. He's just a body. The bald man has gone. And I'm left alone, at 8 years old, on christmas eve, with the smiling body of my father leaning over me. That's a sight that stays with you forever. Anyway, back to present time, The Mayor says "I'm gonna go get a friend of mine, he can help you out, because clearly you won't tell me" and he's out the door. The thought of my father brings up some horrible dreams that night, and I am left restless.


End file.
